Divorcing couples who have children together do not get to make a clean break the way that others might. They have to see each other regularly for custody exchanges and communicate frequently so that they can effectively meet the needs of their children.
The more that parents who share custody interact with one another, the greater the chance for conflict. The disputes that they have can prove damaging not just for their dynamic with one another but also for their children.
Parents who want to make divorce as easy as possible for their families often need to have a plan for sharing custody peacefully. The three tips below can help limit parental conflicts in a co-parenting scenario.
1. Use a parenting app
Written communication is usually better than verbal communication. Parents can keep themselves calmer when they know that anything they say could be subject to review by the courts later.
Additionally, there is a paper trail affirming any agreements or adjustments the parents may have made regarding their custody arrangements. Consistently using a parenting app, especially in the first year or two after the divorce, can go a long way toward preserving the peace.
2. Keep the communication child-focused
Fights are all but inevitable if parents start talking about their feelings or who is at fault for the divorce. There is no need to re-examine those issues when the reason for the communication is that a child just failed their spelling test. Keeping the communication short and completely focused on the children is an effective strategy for eliminating unnecessary conflict in a shared custody scenario.
3. Never use the children as messengers
Few things are more damaging to the children in a shared custody arrangement than feeling like they are stuck in the middle. Parents should never ask their children to take sides. They should actively avoid badmouthing one another. They also need to remember that their children are not messengers.
They should not communicate through the children for anything. Doing so puts pressure on the children and can put strain on their relationships with the children. Even if one parent just wants to remind the other about an upcoming birthday party or doctor’s appointment, communicating in writing via the parenting app rather than passing a message through the children is the best option available.
Implementing tactics to limit conflict when sharing custody can be beneficial for everyone in the family. Proper communication techniques can help everyone adjust to the new arrangement with less conflict.